Family of Three
by kodinomo
Summary: Edward faces off with a furry rival he never wanted to have, and Roy is enjoying himself far too much.


Thank you for opening my story! I hope you enjoy:D

Beta: me, myself, and I. If you want to beta for me, let me know! I am not sure I need one, but it is nice to bounce ideas off someone who really knows the fandom.

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"Will you just fucking pick one already," Edward griped from where he leaned against the wall, body arched in such a way that blatantly screamed _not in the mood for this shit_. "They all look the same, they all make the same messes that _you_ will have to clean up, and they're all going to be pains in the asses for somebody, so just grab one already because I'm starving."

His complaints fell on deaf ears. Roy was too lost in the world of fur and slobber to glance up disapprovingly at his partner. Instead he sat - crossed legged on the floor - surrounded by a litter of yapping puppies and continued his thorough study of each one. Ed sighed heavily and wished he had never had the brilliant idea to get the older man a dog for his 45th birthday this year.

_At least we already have the collar and leash from that one time..._

The blonde shivered despite himself at the memory of a few weeks ago when his raven-haired lover had suggested spicing things up in the bedroom. Edward had temporarily been able to satisfy the older man's weird fetish for four-legged "servants of man," but the submissive role-playing only succeeded in making Roy want an actual canine companion.

"Dammit, Roy," the blonde growled in a way that much resembled a rabid mutt on the streets.

"Calm down, Ed," Roy chuckled. "I want to be sure the one I choose is exactly right for us. We're getting another addition to our family after all, the least you could do is show a _little_ excitement." The dark-haired man turned around then to give his lover a winning smile. The sight was _almost _enough to soften the daggers of Edward's annoyance. Almost.

"Whatever," he answered, taking a few steps before collapsing beside Roy, nearly pancaking an unsuspecting puppy beneath his ass. Roy and the puppy gave him identical looks of disapproval.

Ed was careful not meet the two pairs of eyes on him. "What kind are they anyway?"

Roy turned back to the puppy he saved from certain leather-clad death. "Shiba Inus."

Ed scoffed. "The hell? I should have known you'd pick something weird."

A chance to tease his lover was never passed up by the esteemed Fuhrer of Amestris, and he had the most wonderful epiphany of inspiration for peeving the younger man. Amusement was plain in the sudden quirk of his eyebrow and the smirk on his lips that parted for a sly laugh. "I actually picked this particular breed because of it's many similarities to a particular golden blonde I love."

"Oh?" That particular golden blonde was intrigued despite himself. "And those are?"

"Well," Roy leaned in close, lowering his voice to a sexy hush that he knew was sure to set flame to Edward's insides as it sent visible shivers down his lover's spine, "Shiba Inus are known for their striking independence, their justifiable pride, and above all else, their breathtaking beauty. But..." he paused letting the suspense settle almost painfully between them.

"But?" Ed prodded, wanting to hear Roy speak more romantic words to him in that voice.

"But none of those are why I chose it." Confusion painted itself across the young man's face, and he waited for his dark-haired lover to continue. "I chose it because it's aggressive, antisocial, and small."

Three.

Edward didn't look like he was in love.

Two.

Edward didn't look like he was happy.

One.

Edward didn't look like he was anything but really fucking pissed.

Detonation.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT EVEN A PUPPY WOULD TOWER OVER ME?!

The infuriated blonde jabbed a finger threateningly at Roy, but the older man didn't even have to defend himself from his lover's wrath. The puppy in his arms did it for him.

"HOLY SHIT," Ed bellowed loudly in pain, clutching his right hand gingerly to his chest, a red spot of blood tie-dying the fitted white cotton t-shirt. "I just recently got this arm back, you little bastard, and now I'm probably going to need stitches in it! Have fun not coming home with us! And what are you laughing at?!" Ed whipped around to face his soon to be ex-lover, directing his fury away from the not-so-innocent puppy and towards the man who was equally to blame for starting the whole fiasco in the first place.

"I most certainly _am not_ laughing at you or your pain," Roy said in between trying to catch his breath. "You two are adorable. I think I know which one I want now."

Edward's golden eyes grew wide with betrayal. "Are you kidding? You're actually considering buying that menace after it bit me?!"

"I am not _considering_ buying him. I _am_ buying him, Well actually, since it's my birthday, you're buying him for me. And besides, you don't complain when I bite you, so what's the difference really?" The older man winked at his infuriated lover who blanched and blushed with obvious embarrassment.

"Th-that's different," he muttered.

"I don't see much of a difference." Roy set his a lustful gaze on Edward, giving him a kiss just to the left of his pouting lips. "You both like collars and leashes," Ed hid behind his bangs at that comment, "you both like playing rough, and you both love me unconditionally."

"Psh," came Ed's half-hearted denial.

The older man ignored him, feeling as though he was on to some deep revelation. "What's that saying? Birds of a feather..."

"Flock together," Ed finished the idiom for him, "But you're forgetting that in science, opposites attract and likes repel. So me and that dog are never going to get along since we clearly have _so_ much in common..."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that. I think one day, you'll come to appreciate each other's presence."

Edward rolled his golden eyes. "I don't even appreciate your presence."

There was only so much teasing at his expense that the Fuhrer of Amestris could handle without feeling the sting of sarcasm, and he had reached that limit. A shadow cast across his expression. Ed had already sensed the change in mood, before Roy had the chance to cover it up.

Wary of the softly growling pupping snuggled in his lovers arm's where Edward felt he had more right to be, the younger man reached out with the hand that wasn't covered in dried blood. With feather-light touches so contradictory to his normally abrasive personality, Ed cupped Roy's head by the back of the neck and tilted it to face his own. The blonde pushed aside the irrational pang of jealousy toward the furry demon taking his place in his lover's embrace, making room for itself in his lover's heart.

_I am not sharing him_.

Their lips met in a fleeting brush of sensitivity, and Ed nearly pushed for more, but stopped himself short. Now wasn't the time nor the place. As they pulled away, the younger of the pair spoke up.

"You know I love you, right?"

Roy nodded with an air of severity.

"And you love me; I know you do."

Roy nodded his affirmation again, expression slightly unnerved at where exactly his lover was going with this.

"So please," Roy's eyebrows raised at his lover's rare use of the word, "don't buy this fucking dog." Edward's face turned pleading, as he looked at the older man with puppy dog eyes, making him resemble more and more the infantile canine he claimed to hate so much.

The Fuhrer of Amestris pulled away with a breathy chuckle. "Nice try, Ed."

Watching Roy's back as he walked toward the dog breeder who was busying herself with feeding the litter of hungry puppies, Edward growled a string of curses as he followed suit, pulling out his wallet from his pants pocket to purchase his nemesis, his rival, the bane of his existence.

Ed would never get along with that dog. Never

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Mcarnality: You think this is light-hearted. Ha. When would I ever. I have a plan for this 6-part story, and I was originally going to post it all as one chapter. However, I want to see how people respond to the prologue of sorts before I continue. Parts 2 and 3 have been written, and I have a very clear idea of where this is going and where it's going to end. So let me know what you think! Your feedback inspires me:) As for the breed of dog, I did not choose it because of a popular meme called Doge. I owned a Shiba Inu until last December when he past, so in a way, this is my tribute to him. I love you Hunter. Still. (See, I can't be light-hearted.)

Oh and I know I have other stories to update! They will be soon. But the muse wants what the muse wants, and the muse wanted to write this.


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